A True Story…

The day started out so innocently, I awoke feeling like a million bucks.  Walked my children to school & came home.  I poured myself a piping hot cup of tea & pondered what to do with my 4 year old.  A brilliant idea crossed my mind; I'll hit the gym & send my daughter to the gym daycare.  I knew she would love hanging out at the gym daycare.  So I changed into workout clothes & made my way out the door.

Hand in hand we walked to the driveway.  Much to my surprise the driveway was empty.  I retraced my steps from the day before.  After careful thought, I determined that I did in fact drive home the previous day.  I looked up and down the street, no swagger wagon in sight.

 I proceeded to call the police.  A bit confused, I wondered what number to call?  Was 911 appropriate?  My coupon organizer was in the vehicle.  The thought of someone stealing my "$.75 off 2 Trix yogurt packages" makes me sick to my stomach. The question still remained, was it an emergency?  After considering the options, I decided to call the non-emergency police number. 

I recounted the harrowing tale & impressed the dispatch with my police lingo.  I said, "Send in your CO, bring the Hot Sheet, and put out an APB! My swagger wagon's been stolen!"  An hour later an officer arrived.  The officers take on my dilemma, "A crime of opportunity."  Wow, what a relief that was!  I thought the vehicle had been targeted for its pristine condition.  The detective on the case thinks the minivan is in DC or Maryland. 

Now on to my anti-theft tips.  These suggestions have not been scientifically proven.  If you are easily offended; DO NOT READ THESE SUPER SMART TIPS!

Tips to Prevent Grand Theft Auto

1)   If you think having two Redskin decals in the rear windows of your car would deter a thief, think again!  Cars with lots of bumper stickers are always a turn off. You may want to drape your car in some bumper stickers, that will leave thieves shaking in their stolen boots.  Picture these thought provoking stickers on the back of your vehicle…

·       KEEP HONKING I'M RELOADING

·       MY CHILD WAS INMATE OF THE MONTH AT THE COUNTY JAIL

·       FLOOD DAMAGED VEHICLE

·       CAUTION: BUMPER FALLS OFF

·       333 I'M ONLY HALF EVIL

·       YOU HAVE TO BE REAL SECURE TO BE IN A CAR LIKE THIS

·       GOD CREATED MAN FIRST; HE NEEDED A ROUGH DRAFT FOR THE MASTERPIECE

·       THIS IS NOT AN ABANDONED VEHICLE  

I don't know about you, but that kind of CRAZY would scare me!

2)   Good indoor car accessories can definitely fight crime.  Try fuzzy dice hanging from the car mirror. It sends out a message, that you are not to be messed with.  Also, keep a trash bag filled with empty juice boxes, water bottles, yogurt cups, snack bags, baby bottles, and random papers with cute kid drawings.  When feeling vulnerable, empty the contents of the trash bag throughout your car.  Remember the more trash the better.  It gives your car the "ransacked" look.   The thief will think someone else got all the good stuff.

3)   A car sun shield that says in big bold letters, "200,000 MILES & COUNTING" will not only keep your car cool, but also says, "Hey it's not worth it!"

4)   The Club! This may be old fashioned, but paired with fuzzy dice is a powerful deterrent.

5)   Lastly, install an 8 track tape player.  When the kids say, "What is that thing?"   Just tell them, "It's an anti-theft device!"

I share my wisdom to enlighten you.  Hopefully my future Swagger Wagon will remain in my driveway.  I leave you with these final words, "Lock your car doors!"