Coupon Addiction?

I’ve been watching Intervention lately.  I have this terrible fear that someday I may be on that show.  Here’s how I think it will go down.  A producer will call me & tell me I’ve been selected to be on Extreme Couponing.  Elated, I will pick out all my favorite pastel shirts. I look so good in pink & lavender.  I’ll load up on face powder, those HD cameras really show the T zone. Then I’ll lose 15 pounds, since the camera adds an extra 10 pounds.  To top off my thin look, I’ll wear 6 inch heels in every scene.  I’ll tell the producers about my stock pile & how much I love my stock pile.  Then I’ll take the camera crew on the big shopping trip.  You know, the trip where I buy $1,000.00 worth of crap for $6.00.  After my successful crap buying trip, I head to my FINAL interview, at the hotel. 

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS SCENE READER DESCRETION IS ADVISED

I say, “What’s going on here, why are all these people here?”

The Intervention lady says, “We just want to talk to you about your addiction.”

“No, no I don’t have a problem! I’ll refuse to go.”  I say with my eyes bulging out of my head.

“But Mom, you’ve been building cereal pyramids & I don’t know you anymore!” my daughter sobs.

“You know me, I’m the Mom who brought 12 boxes Fruity Pebbles cereal bars to your last soccer game. All the kids loved it, you remember, don’t you? Every kid had their own box of cereal bars!” I yell.

My husband & the intervention lady say, “You need to go now!”

Then the show cuts to the part that tells what happens after the intervention. 

AFTER SPENDING 10 DAYS AT THE PALM SPRINGS COUPON ADDICTION CENTER, LITTLE J LEFT. SHE WAS FOUND AT BLOOMS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THEIR DOUBLE DOUBLE COUPON WEEK.  SHE SAYS THAT HER COUPONING IS UNDER CONTROLL, BUT HER FAMILY SAYS SHE RELAPSES EVERY WEEK WHEN THE SUNDAY CIRCULAR COMES OUT.

To prevent this from happening, I’ve decided to make a TOP TEN LIST for myself& anyone else who feels they may need it.

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A COUPON ADDICT

1)   You build cereal pyramids in your driveway.  It’s ok if you build them in the house, just not the driveway.

2)  You call your insurance agent to buy coverage for your stock pile.

3)  You have enough toilet paper to last 100 years & looking at your toilet paper fills you with joy.

4)  You load up on 1,000 Butterfinger candy bars, because you can.

5)  You have enough toothbrushes to give everyone in your town one. Unless you live in a real small town with a population of 10.

6)  When the Sunday circular comes your hands start to shake.

7)  You start stealing your neighbors Sunday circular coupon inserts.

8)  You spend 6 hours preparing for a grocery store trip.

9)  You make your kids dumpster dive for coupons.

10) You take 4 hours to check out at the grocery store.

If any of these describe you, (they don’t describe me yet) you may have a problem.  Seek guidance from a trained coupon addiction specialist.  I don’t know where to find one, but I’m sure they exist.